I’ve been sitting on the floor
Lost count of the hours
Staring at the door like a moth
I don’t want to keep chasing cars.
I’ve been down on my knees
Begged for any respite
Can’t get myself to get up
There’s no silver lining in sight.
I can still feel your presence
Holding my hands to peace
Trying to talk sanity to me
Will this feeling ever cease?
I’ve been trying too hard
Letting these thoughts fly away
Holding too tight, your shirt
As I watch myself begin to fray.
I’ll try again tomorrow
Maybe tomorrow is the day
When I break free from you
And let me out of the way.
I was sinking and there you were
Sitting across the table unaware
My heart dancing to your voice
Ready to strip and bare.
You moved your hand forward
Didn’t notice mine move too
Had to pull it back quick
Before they noticed it was you.
I was fighting too hard
To make you disappear
And then I saw you smile
Trust me, I was nowhere near.
Why couldn’t it be anyone else
Why did it have to be you?
Have to fight it harder
I have to pay my due.
What you are is what I am
You don’t even have to believe
Have to walk around normal
Can’t wear my heart on my sleeve.
You walked away
You didn’t even blink.
Couldn’t save it
You let it sink.
You turned away
Away from me.
Can’t help it,
Only you I see.
Dropped my hand,
And held another
You moved further.
Chased you again
You didn’t care.
Begged with everything,
That I could bare.
You didn’t smile,
I didn’t exist.
All went away
Like the morning mist.
We seem to be running faster than time
Leaving every cloud behind
We don’t even want to stop for a second
We don’t want anyone to find.
Running from pain and the sorrows
We don’t want to face our fears
Stuck in a loop of insecurity and doubt
We don’t want them to see our tears.
Fighting the days without a shield
It’s a war we never chose to be in
We hope that the night saves us
And helps us forget our sins.
We run faster in a race with no end
Trying to outstrip the next thing ahead
We can’t be seen in this chaos
Fearing they might try to mend us instead.
We swear to never stop or slow down
The monsters get stronger every day
The loop is jinxed, oh believe me
Hope it breaks one day, we pray.
What happens when you decide to stop
When you think you’ve had enough
Does the road ahead become easier
Or the days start to get more rough.
What happens when you decide to leave
When all the doors are closed for you
Does a light faraway start to flicker
As you start to walk towards the new.
What happens when you decide to change
When everything you believed in is broken
Does the moon become your saviour
When you finally seem to have woken.
What happens when you decide to walk
Silently yet fiercely towards the better part
Does the road seem that tough now
When you move towards a better start.
What happens when you finally listen
To that voice screaming in your head
Does the light seem inviting now
When all the tears have been shed.
Sitting by the window, watching the birds fly
My thoughts are unfamiliar, they aren’t mine.
Sipping tea in my favorite black mug
I’m convincing myself that I’m fine.
When did these thoughts create their space
I was immune to the monsters in my head
They keep me tied with a chain now
My soul bleeds red.
Leave the nights, the days are worse
When getting out of bed becomes scary
The sun shines bright and the sky sparkles
And yet waking up leaves me weary.
Looking at the clock, passing each second
I wonder what it used to feel like before
When I was not fighting so hard within
When even a little felt so much more.
The person staring back in the mirror
I can’t recognize her, she’s not me.
Tired and devoid of all hope
I wonder if the good she can ever see.
You were a mess walking in the streets
A hundred thoughts and silent words
Twisting your fingers like everytime before
Hoping something might free the birds.
You go back to the time you started
The fall was so beautifully designed
The magic in her blue eyes captivated
All the nerves in your poetic mind.
How could something be so beautiful
You couldn’t fathom the depth of blow
What her smile did to your knees
Oh how her touch made you flow.
You wanted her presence all the time
Her energy filed your wicked heart
However, the growing distance everyday
Made your nerves tear apart.
She was there and then she wasn’t
You couldn’t understand her need
Why couldn’t she see your love
You were ready to beg and plead.
And she was just gone without a word
Leaving you deserted with your pain
You were a mess walking in the streets
All your cries were in vain.